Записи с темой: from malta - 3 (список заголовков)


your Personal Jesus
Buy, Mario. I can't understand what you lose if you accept me. It's mostly me, who take the risks. Don't decide for me. Accept or explain in another way. It's my life and I can ruin it in the way I like. I'm ready to bet big. I can't stand feeling sorry for what is undone. Are you afraid to be hurt? - Don't you now? I'm sure I'll never forget u, so you do me worse stepping aside. Think, darling. Where is my crazy Mar? Please take care. See you. Good night.

@темы: From Malta - 3



your Personal Jesus
Hello, Mar!
Why it happens that we meet in one of your busiest weeks in a year when Brian is on hlidays?
For me it's easier to express my thoughts in written form, I've already told you. And this year I realized thta when I look at you, especially in your eyes, I forget everything. I can't be angry with you long even when you offend me. I forget about good behaviour, about dignity, even about how you hurt me. In fact, I'm wiser that should be at my age. But you take me back to my 17-s when I was silly enough to lose my head quite often. Now I'm a different person. You really don't know me. And unfortunately at the moment you're the only person who makes me smile. I just can't be close to you without smiling. We had no time to talk seriously. I have many questions. My life is rational and logic enough and some irrational things are hard for me to understand. That's a pity but I think that if one day you call and say "Come on, come to Malta to me", I'll give up everything and com to you and for you. It's really irrational and careless but perhaps it looks like beeing something like love. Oh, how I hate this word. I myself, can hardly believe that I can't forget you for 5 years by now. It's improbable. While you go on arguing and returning to your ex, I had several relations this year, but sincerely, more for sex then for something more. I've been made a proposal. Unfortunately, I'm not too cynical yet. A real feeling it's when you can nearly hate and love a person at the same time. I had much time to think about you and everything. We won't be able to live together cause we have different and somewhere even opposite aims. I would like to stay in Malta, but without you I can't do that cause it'll be too painful to know you're very-very close. I know I'm going to come back to Malta but only God knows when. I really feel like at home here. It's like in the song "I left my heart in San Francisco". Replace San Francisco by Malta and you'll have my situation. Music means much in my life and every person is connected to special songs. Your songs are "My way", of course, "la vie en rose", "Yesterday", "I will survive". Hope to sing "My Way" together with you one day.
This letter is too sentimental for me, not usual at all. You make me special and unusual. You know thereare such cards "to someone special", so this letter is for someone special. There is such expression: "Men aren't worth your tears. And those who worth won't make you cry". I really hope you worth. Cause you're the only man made me cry during the last 5 years.
Your name reminds me the sea - in russian they sound a bit alike. If you want too keep in contact and be at least friends, give me a call sometimes, at least once-twice a month, for example. Tell me how you live, what's going on. I'll try not to call or write you cause I don't want to disturb you or give you any troubles with your girlfriend.
You know I still wish you the best.
Alone or with anyone.
Please, pass my hello to Brian and his daughter.
May be see you one day.
Try to be happy.
Sincerely ypurs, Catarina.

@темы: From Malta - 3


your Personal Jesus

как же я не люблю подчиняться. людям, ситуации, обстоятельствам.
да, я люблю, хотя и периодами, задалбываюсь принимать решения.
а самое ужасное когда я приняла решение. изложила его. а меня с моим решением просто не приняли.
чувствую себя по-идиотски. и как с этим бороться непонятно.

@темы: From Malta - 3


your Personal Jesus
как-то все уж слишком некрасиво выглядит.
а при потребительском отношении все могло бы быть просто и радостно.
но пока такого нет, - значит жива, значит еще не сука.
выражать чувства не на русском сложно, тем более устно.
а когда вижу, забываю что хотела сказать.
потому что трогает, до самого сердца, до самой души.
как Шурик когда-то.
таков удел видать, Любить покойника и недоступного.

@темы: From Malta - 3


your Personal Jesus
и снова аутотренинг "ты мне не нужен".
я не хочу больше боли.
а сердце сжимается и замирает.
иди к черту.

@темы: From Malta - 3


your Personal Jesus
встретились с Карен, Гари, Джорджем. приятно и здорово. как будто только вчера расстались, а не год прошел.
насчет Марио для себя я все решила, главное чтобы твердости хватило. я не хочу больше страдать.
и 2 недели, даже меньше ничего для меня не решат.
а вчера были в кафе де пари в Марсашлоке - там мы с ним обедали как-то. ели божественную рыбу. и вообще проезжали очень много мест, где я была так счастлива. тяжело это. но надо просто пережить.
все желая мне добра, говорят "Не верь", "не влезай". я все это знаю. вот только сложно.

@темы: From Malta - 3


your Personal Jesus
тут офигенно и грустно от того, что я была тут счастлива.
тут все такое своё и родное.
тут тихо и при этом до не спящего Пачвиля недалеко.
море тоже близко. мало народу, волны, тепло и очень солёно.
в самом Пачвиле пиздец - одни русские. везде. испортили-таки город. или даже страну?..
завтра скорей всего день икс. если хватит сил физических и моральных.

@темы: From Malta - 3

путевые заметки TERRY