с самого утра сердце болит. безумно не хочется домой. впрочем, как всегда...
а еще сон приснился, и теперь я впала в ревностную паранойю.
видимо все бывшие окончательно испортили меня, и я теперь вряд ли смогу кому-то доверять.
а так хочется и доверять, и верить.
хочется верить, что он не такой как все. а в голове сидит фраза, что все мужики - козлы.
не знаю, я ничего не знаю и не хочу знать...
2,5 дня осталось.
у вас холодно, а у меня 25 по вечерам.
на днях вечером было за 30 и горячий ветер...
"хочется высунуть язык и раздеться, я слушаю как бьетя твое нервное сердце..."
я не коричневая, но и не белая.
фоток мало, потому что мне не нужны фотографии, все они в моей голове, извините...

@темы: From Matla-2

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когда все хорошо, и писать-то нечего.
а вот когда плохо, тогда и нужен дневник.
тогда тут место для словесного поноса.
сейчас не очень хорошо. всем спасибо...

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Help!

Как по английски сказать, что "ты поднял планку", ну смысл такой что очень слогно найти человека как минимум не хуже.
подписываю прощальную открытку, а вот эту мысль никак передаqть не могу.
а еще disadvantage - это недостаток в плане характера?

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мне без него не спится. что же я буду делать дома?
постоянно просыпаюсь, встаю ни свет ни заря.
и завтрак в постель, и special breakfast.
эh, пойду дальше обгорать...

@темы: From Matla-2

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Уницальный мужчина, который может спать всю неделю по 4 часа и при этом быть полным сил и энергии. я на такие постоянные подвиги не готова)
все здорово))

@темы: From Matla-2

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когда его нет рядом, я постоянно просыпаюсь.
Неужели так сложно понять, что я волнуюсь...
а еще я ненавижу комаров. и щекотку.

@темы: From Matla-2

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плов удался.
купила черное классическое платье.
пошаталась по Слиме.
прикупила пару книжек и сувериров чуть-чуть.
"ничего не хочу, ничего от жизни мне не надо..."

@темы: From Matla-2

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Yesterday I've met a couple at the Memories. We talked about him. when they were leaving they told me "Take care of his, he really needs it" and added to him "Don't loose that girl". and we answered in one voice "I'll try".

I need something against the bugs in my head.

@темы: From Matla-2

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oh, he makes me smile. he laughts at me all the time and feel ok about that.
That's not he who's too ald, that's me who's too young.
La vie en rose + My way. that's all about us.

@темы: From Matla-2

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Everything is gonna be all right. i know. i believe.
I feel uncomfortable with Brian, his son. I hope he has nothing against me.

@темы: From Matla-2

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I have visited 12 hotels nearby, in Paceville and St.Julians.
The result - a lot of application forms. Some hotels do have russian-speaking staff, not they are few.
you should just fill in the forms and and wait until you're invited for the interview.
The season begins here in May. so, next year I won't be able to apply for a job. may be only for a seasonable one.
Yesterday Mario's lawer told me that a person who lives here for 5 years, legally, not like a tourist, receives the maltease citizenship. I should check it.

@темы: arbeiten/travailler/work, From Matla-2

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we have sorted it out. i made him understand me. i confessed in everything.
he's laugthing at me. i wanna spend every minute with him.
I think he's the first man, to whom i made blow job with pleasure.
next week he asks me to cook smth russian. I'm trying to choose.
oerhaps it'll be plov. I should just remember all the engredients.
today we go dancing together with Carrin, Jonnathan and Pauline.
Drinking everyday becomes a habit.

as conclusion I like here. really like it.
And you know, I don't feel like a tourist here. Not yet as native, but not already a tourist.
somewhere between.

@темы: From Matla-2

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he feels me. he takes care of me. he worries how am I. that's why he didn't meant but hurted me so much.
there are some crazy dreams in my head, I need to break them down myself.
Come on, I have year at MSLU left, I need a diploma. after that i can do what I want. If only I haven't been so stupid to miss that year, I would be already free.
but a year is a long timeperiod. who knows what will happen. If we won't be together, that island will be too small for two of us. or not? I need to draw a scheme, like future variants. all right, i'll do it later.
calm down. check the make up, and go on...
I need a sigarette, a cup of coffee and a glass of Vodka.

@темы: From Matla-2

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when I see how he takes care of his children/grandchildren, I wanna have a child from him. It's like that for the first time. His last son is only 6 years old now and lives in England. He calls him nearly every day, just to say "Good morning, how are you". his flat is full of photos, postcards and small present like "for a special dad". he keeps them all and shows them to everyone. he's proud of his children.

@темы: From Matla-2

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I've reread my notes, written here 3 years ago. another attitude. then it was just a game. now it's not.
I can devide these two things right now. I'm sure. I remember a good talk with Tatiana Vasilievna, who said " calm down, no future, time will pass and you ferget". then it helped...

M:"Imagine us in ten years. I'll be 66, you'll be 32. you at your best age - thirties, I'm old. I won't even be able to make love with you. It's my fault. i shouldn't have taken you here. I didn't expected to hurt you. We're blind. We shoul d think for the future"
I: "You silly. You make me happy. I don't think about the future now. I'm enjoying my time. every minute with you. I know I'll suffer when i come back to Russia, but it's worth it. sleep. Morning is wiser that evening."

But the morning wasn't wiser. I don't need anyone, but him.

@темы: From Matla-2

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I can hear for him forever. maltese. marvelous language. Impossible to understand.
I like him singing in the shower.
I like his smell.
I like him taking care of himself.
I like his strong hands.
I like making love with him. perfect lover.
I like him cooking.
I like watching him.
I like his phrase "I'm just 21, babe".
I love him???

@темы: From Matla-2

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For the future - I won't devide my happiness with you any more, my friends, sorry.
It's like somebody put a bad eye on me.

now I'm going to visit several hotels to talk about the employment. good luck, babe.

@темы: From Matla-2

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It was too good to be true. living together, waking up together. it was difficult for me, but I tried not to think. I prefered to leave all thoughts for russia. but he began that hard talk himself. he tried not to hurt me. i answered yhat anyway it will happen. i know myself.
And now I just can't stop thinking. 4 wonderful days on the boat. Free days for sunbathing, swimming, and evenings together. the perfect situation with a perfect man. and now he feels like it was his fault. he shouldn't have brought me to his place, he shouldn't have called and written to me. fuck. i do what I want. always.
i confessed what i think, what i feel. He feels guilty for turning me in love. he talked to me about too big age gap between us. I know that all, but why should I decide something now. I
feel like crying, but I'm not going to, as it will hurt him.

@музыка: Ona ne vyshla zamug...

@темы: From Matla-2

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Странно, но после разговора с Блондинкой все стало как-то очевиднее.

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"Сильного мужчину" сильным делают женщины. Женщины с установкой из серии "все мужики - козлы" в любом будут искать и доказывать, что он "козел". Хочешь оказаться очередным "козлом" в ее жизни - велкам.